Olivia

This is it?

Olivia was falling, fast and still slowly.

It was so scary. The last thing she would have done. So lonely, so scary and so simple.

When you’re falling, there’s nothing left to do but feel—and maybe think. Why now? It was time. Why? To feel the ultimate rush. Will people cry? At least at this moment they were screaming, breathless as her.

Her brain was foggy and at the same time working so fast. She thought about this stupid idea of life flashing before her eyes. It was stupid indeed, but just by thinking about it she conjured it. Her first sensation, her first sweet, her childhood friends and loves, her parents, her mistakes, their reconciliations, the university, first job, numerous hangovers, her small flat, her goldfish. She managed to find someone to feed them during her leave but how long will they continue? It wasn’t really important. Nothing did really matter any more. Had she proposed, would he have said yes? Should she have put on more sunscreen? Would they even be able to put her in a dress if her body turned into marmalade?

We often think falling is dangerous. Not exactly. Falling is fine. Hitting the floor at terminal velocity is the problem. She couldn’t do anything against it now.

Olivia jumped. She chose to jump, didn’t she? That was the choice she made, in a way. A few seconds ago, she could have not made this choice. A few seconds ago, she was up there, on the edge of the bridge, looking down on the gaunt river barely visible. Now the river was growing, appearing less meagre than she had originally thought. A few seconds ago, if anyone had tested her conviction, said a word, she would probably have retraced her steps.

Now she couldn’t hear anything but the deafening wind. The poor girl could still feel the hand on her back.

A hand!

A push! She had been pushed!

Someone pushed her. She didn’t make this decision.

She was still hesitant. Someone chose for her.

Why? What had she done to this person?

Like the rest, it was not really important now.

The floor was closer than ever.

Olivia closed her eyes.

Something tied around her ankles. An impossible strength pulled her up before the impact.

Her heart nearly stopped. It skipped many beats.

The river was small again and the floor distant.
Slowly, gravity was losing its traction. She felt weightless.

She breathed then fell again.

She should never have agreed to try base jumping.